Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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