worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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