He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
