well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
