She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize