It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
