I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So many bounce houses so little time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
