you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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