im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
