The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
