He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
