I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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