id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize