My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
