I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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