She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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