dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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