Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
