Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
