im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize