I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
