anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
