maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize