Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
