im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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