on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
