and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
