Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i drank out of a bidet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
