dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
