if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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