His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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