Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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