so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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