The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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