"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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