She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
