Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
