just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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