he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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