So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
