i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
