cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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