i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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