I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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