Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
