Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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