Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
