Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
