first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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