dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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