She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
