I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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