You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
