I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
