Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
