My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
