I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
