Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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