what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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