i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
