dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
