She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
