i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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