i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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