Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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