we have pet lesbian snakes
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
