My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
