Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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