i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
